1 Partners lose interest in one another’s lives
Boredom and predictability.
Your lives have evolved into a predictable routine resulting in boredom. This is either a defensive situation or a symptom of something more serious.
This is a situation that can easily be resolved. Relationships grow stagnant when they need to develop and grow. One or both partners are scared of change.
- Sit down and imagine where you’d like to be in two years’ time.
- Then discuss your images.
- Break the journey down into manageable steps.
A problem dealt head-on becomes manageable. Serious damage is done by avoiding problems.
2 Other people are involved.
Being intrigued by another person.
Finding another person intriguing and feeling a little tingly during an animated coffee break with a colleague is a sure early warning sign that something is amiss. As a ‘presenting problem’ it is a manifestation of a deeper problem, rather than the root of the situation.
- Starve your inappropriate one. Do not explain your feelings and actions – it could trigger a reciprocal confession.
- Feed your primary relationship. Talk to your partner and look for ways to re-energize your relationship. There is nothing better to galvanize a relationship like a shared sense of achievement.
It is hard to know when your feelings for someone else have become inappropriate and whether you are being emotionally unfaithful. So step back and get back on track.
3 We’re best friends but no longer ‘in love’
Fondness and obligation.
We do not love each other ‘enough’ or ‘in the right way’. The relationship becomes devoid of dissonance and passion goes out the window because couples think that being best friends and avoiding arguments protect love. NO.
We cannot choose which feelings we suppress. Very soon we suppress love as well as anger.
- Express yourself lovingly when grievances as well as when positive and authentic emotions come up.
- Stop concealing your needs.
Arguments bring issues to the surface – face it head-on and sort it out – clearing the air. Sharing emotions prevent wrong assumptions from being made and issues growing in the minds of the parties.
4 We seem to argue all the time
Sometimes endless arguments are fostered by defensiveness rather than aggression.
- Make turns to talk – uninterrupted – for three minutes.
- Before the other partner gets a turn to responds – he or she should summaries what has been said.
This gives the parties’ time to listen and hear and ultimately reflect without making negative assumptions on what the partner is feeling and saying. Thus the reflex becomes a civilized response.
5 I’ve lost respect for my partner
After several years together one sometimes start losing sight of your partner’s positive qualities. Sometimes it is not even our partner’s behaviour that is the problem but our reaction.
- Frame your criticism of your partner’s character as complaint about his or her behaviour.
- By doing so we often discover the catalyst that brought about the behaviour and we are amazed by the truth and embarrassed by our own thoughts and assumption.
The truth shall set you free.
Trouble is part of your life, and if you don’t share it,
you don’t give the person who loves you enough chance to love you enough.
Reference – Psychologies article by Andrew G Marshall